Recognising and accepting your children’s emotions and mentoring them in their growth
Trim size in cm: 14x22
Publication date: 01/01/2015
Every parent wants the best for their child and wants to be the perfect mum or perfect dad. It may seem trivial and clichéd, but in day-to-day life — where children cry, get angry, scream like banshees and want things that are contrary to survival — things get complicated… and instead of relishing in the wonderful adventure of being a parent, we tend to see every reaction the child has as a constant test of our abilities.
Language of the heart, which is inspired by cognitive behavioural psychotherapy and especially Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, is a valuable manual with instructions, advice, suggestions and strategies to help mum, dad, grandparents and educators to:
• Bring up children without protecting them from their emotions, not even painful ones, thus teaching them to put up with the normal frustrations and difficulties life throws at them
• Listen to their feelings, without repressing, inhibiting or blocking them
• Accept their experiences and not try to «sterilise» them like you do with a baby’s bottle to keep germs away.
With the many examples taken from the clinical and personal experience of the author, which are easy to identify with and relate to, parents will be assisted in being more aware of their own values, in other words what they really believe is important to convey to their children, and in making an effort to recognise children’s rights to their emotions.
Warnings for mums and dads:
1.This is not a book which claims to be the book of truth or a general instruction manual on how to manage and bring up happy children. So nothing said here can be elevated to the status of general rule to be respected whenever, lest it end up in hell for mum and dad.
2. When reading this book, you may at times feel guilty or inadequate as a parent or angry with yourself or… who am I writing to! Don’t panic and don’t go and throw the book out of the window. If you are reading it or, in general, despite being tired you read something which is useful to your child, you are certainly a parent who cares about your child’s wellbeing. And this is the essence of bringing your child up well and happily.
3. If you feel inadequate and/or have trouble accepting the emotions you feel in thinking about the difficulties you face in bringing up your child, remember that first and foremost you must accept your painful thoughts and emotions, your fears and your difficulties; only after doing so will you be able to fully accept your child.
Warnings for mums
First part – I’ll protect you but I won’t repress your emotions
First chapter:«Don’t cry my love!»
Crying is not bad for you
Second chapter:«Why shouldn’t I feel my emotions? They’re mine! »
What functions emotions have in a child’s development
Third chapter: «Eat and sleep, «mummy’s way»!»
Modelling the needs of your child on your own and not respecting their natural self-regulation abilities
Fourth chapter: «If you’re sad, I feel bad»
Parents’ difficulties in accepting painful emotions in their child
Fifth chapter: «Gosh, I am prejudiced with some of your thoughts and emotions!»
The consequences of experiential avoidance
Second part – You have the right to feel what you do
Sixth chapter: «What a horrible world!»
Teaching your child to accept the world we live in
Seventh chapter: «I want you to eat your courgettes, but most of all I want you to love vegetables!»
Upbringing based on values
Eighth chapter: «What are your thoughts and words made of?»
Downplaying what we think and do
Ninth chapter: «I want to guide your behaviour and leave your emotions in peace!»
Accepting emotions, without forgoing teaching and guiding behaviour.
Tenth chapter: «I want to make you happy!»
Make them do happy things instead of asking them to be happy
Third part – I accept myself, before anything else
Eleventh chapter: «I accept myself to accept you better»
Embracing your emotions, difficulties and vulnerabilities as a parent
Twelfth chapter: «What kind of mum or dad do I want to be?»
Being aware and capable of being steered by your values as a parent
Presentation of worksheets
Information on educational values