So you learn

A guide to firmness for parents and teachers

Product: Book

Trim size in cm: 14x22

Pages: 168

ISBN: 978-88-6137-885-8

Publication date: 01/09/2011


It is important for children to learn a set of rules and principles in order to interact successfully and healthily with the world around them. It’s up to adults to teach them how to behave fairly in the relationship to others.
Unfortunately, adults (parents, teachers, educators) increasingly choose to relate to youngsters as friends rather than as “experienced guides”. As a result they get the sense that their interventions are useless and insufficient.
The author of this book, a psychologist and an educator, shows that firmness is a necessary component of education and that to love kids means to make sure that they learn how to be with others. That’s why adults need to regain their function as educators without fear of losing their children’s or students’ love.
The book offers reflections, indications and suggestions on how to manage with firmness everyday conflicts and correct bad behaviors in an effective and constructive manner.


More and more often I meet desperate parents and teachers who don’t know how to deal with the conflicts they have with their children/students. Capable and professionally skilled adults seem unable not only to understand what compels their children/students to rebel, but also to gain the minimum of respect necessary for them to carry out their function as educators. Adults seem to be constantly engaged in an effort to preserve the image of themselves as “nice and understanding young adults” rather than demanding love and respect they deserve for their actual qualities. …
Drawing from examples from cinema and literature and from personal experience, this book sets out to question the shortcomings of liberalism in education in the last years. Are we sure that we cannot be lovingly firm? What if this was the right way to help children grow happy and responsible? What if this is the only way to be truly loved and respected?

• Premise
• Strict but fair: knowing how to set rules
- What are rules?
- Ethical competence
- Rules like sparks
- Why must rules be given by all the adults?
- At least a few shared values
- You only grow through confrontation/conflict
- The concept of "fairness"
- The concept of "severity"
- The concept of "logic"
• To intervene or not to intervene: the age-old problem of correction
- What is not a "suitable intervention"?
- What is a corrective intervention?
- How to intervene
• The educational value of intervention
- Why intervention is the right and fair choice
- When correction lacks
- Intervention necessity
- Who is responsible for intervening?
• Advice for home and class intervention